Here’s the first of two extracts from what promises to be a wickedly funny novel: Vicky and Lizzie’s First Period by Andrew Mackay.

You can meet Andrew and read the book blurb here but first here’s an introduction to two rather mischievous girls.

Extract: Vicky and Lizzie’s First Period

‘Okay, settle down, everyone.’ Mr Parker walked to the front of the classroom with a few sheets of paper in his hand. He waited patiently for everyone to stop their chattering. ‘Guys, please?’

Vicky, Lizzie, and Jody sat at the back table next to Jonnie and Sam. The girls and boys exchanged glances and faced the front.

‘Can you please give Nancy your phones while I read out this week’s messages?’

Nancy walked around the various tables with a green box. The students took out their phones and dropped them in.

‘First of all, period one. All of you who have Mrs Bowery for English, your English exam is in the sports hall. Period one.’

‘Ugh, shit,’ Lizzie ran her hands through her hair. ‘That’s us man.’

‘Did you revise?’ Vicky asked, somewhat concerned.

‘What do you think?’

‘Period three, the boys are with me for football trials,.’ Mr Parker said, keeping an eye on the table with the boys on it, ‘Jonnie, Sam, Bartosz, Henry, and everyone else.’

‘Yes!’ Jonnie said, slammed his fist on the table and nudged Sam in the ribs. ‘You can be on my team.’

‘Girls, you’re with Ms Marcovicci for netball.’

‘Aww, sir…’ Vicky lowered her head and sighed. ‘Can’t we play football with the boys?

‘No, Ms Hopper.’

‘But sir—’

‘—No arguing, Vicky. It’s all been arranged. You’re with Nancy, Jody, Brogan and the others for netball with Ms Marcovicci.’

‘Ugh. So unfair. I hate her.’

‘No-one cares.’ Mr Parker looked at his papers. ‘Okay, year eight assembly is tomorrow morning. We have a guest speaker coming in who’s written books about careers and stuff. It doesn’t say who she is. Mr Foster is keen that you are all acquainted with the topic of motivation. It’s the year eight assembly theme for this week.’

‘Phones, please,’ Nancy said and held the green box in front of Vicky and Lizzie.

‘Ugh, Nancy bloody Brittle.’ Vicky took out her phone and dropped it into the box. ‘Teacher’s pet.’

‘Don’t swear, Vicky Hopper. It’s not nice.’

‘You’re not nice, you grass.’

Nancy ignored her and shoved the box under Lizzie’s chin. ‘Phone, please, Elizabeth.’

‘Don’t call me Elizabeth, you do-goody little shit.’ She placed her phone into the box. ‘My name is Lizzie.’

‘I’m telling sir you called me a little s-word.’

‘No, it was a little shit.’

‘Whatever.’ Nancy wasted no time. She dropped the box on the table and turned to her tutor. ‘Sir?’

‘Yes, Ms Brittle?’

‘Lizzie called me the brown word.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

Nancy pointed at Lizzie’s guilty face. ‘Lizzie White called me the s-word, sir.’

Defiant, Lizzie stood up and placed her hands on her hips. ‘I did not!’

‘Did too!’

‘Okay, girls. That’s enough, thank you,’ Mr Parker nodded at the box of phones on the table. ‘Nancy, can you bring the box over here, please.’

‘But, sir—’

‘—Just do it, please. Thank you.’

‘Hey, Nancy,’ Lizzie scowled at her as she picked up the box. ‘You’ve got a big mouth.’

‘I don’t like you. You’re mean.’

‘I’m gonna get you, you stinking sack of donkey cum.’

‘I’m not scared of you.’ Nancy lifted her head up with pride and carried the box over to Mr Parker’s desk. Lizzie slumped back into her seat and folded her arms.

Vicky kicked Jody’s knee under the table, trying to catch her attention.

‘Oww!’

‘Sorry, mate.’ Vicky snorted, ‘I didn’t mean to kick you so hard.’

Jody rubbed her knee. ‘What do you want?’

‘Tell us about Layla and Mr Galigan?’ Vicky winked at Lizzie. The pair leaned in as Jody kept an eye out for Mr Parker and launched into an explanation.

‘It’s gross. The teachers were talking about it in the staff room.’

Vicky raised her eyebrows. ‘What happened?’

Vicky and Lizzie’s First Period is available to buy on Amazon.